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An Open Letter: A Message Worth Keeping

Friends are angels in disguise.

Friends are quiet angels who lifts us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly. They stand by us and and give us the strength to try.

Friends are quiet angels who somehow make you see the light that’s in the darkness before the dawn and all at once, you’re journey’s not so long. But it’s the laughter and the fun , sometimes the feeling that we’re one. It’s the tears and laughters that will keep us heart to heart as time goes by.

Friends are quiet angels who fill your life with grace, thrilled to share your joy when a dream comes true.

And on this special day, I’m blessed cause I can say.

I’ve found I quiet angel in you.

——-

As I was opening my email, I never thought of having new mails from people because for the longest time, all I can see are email updates from facebook and friendster all piled up waiting to be read and eventually end up in the trash section. Somehow, I became accustomed to that.

I opened the freshly sent mail. I opened the message. It was from an anonymous person. As I read it, it speaks of friendship – a letter to a dear friend

To the one who sent this message, whoever you are, a big thanks from my heart. You made my day.

Sometimes all it takes is the right message at the right time 🙂

——-

It goes like this (It’s in cebuano, a native Philippine dialect)

Dako kaayo ang akong pangutana kung nganong sa kadaghang tao sa kalibutan, ikaw ang akong nahimong pinakasuod nga higala ug sa dili tinuyuan, kita nagpabilin nga malig- on ug may pagsabot. Isa lang jud sa akong hunahuna ug kasingkasing karon nga kini mga pagtugot sa Diyos nga makagaghum sa tanan. Sa mga panghitabo sa akong kinabuhi karon, wala ko nagmahay nga ikaw miabot ug mikalambigit sa akong kinabuhi. Ug kining tanang gikinahanglan nga akong pagabaonon kung diin man ako maabot.

       Sa una, susama ako sa usa ka estranghero nga miabot, misingit, ug misoksok sa imong kinabuhi sa pinaagi sa text. Bisan ikaw may gamay kaaligutgot kay nawad- an pud og privacy, apan ikaw mipadayon sa pagtubag ug naghinay hinay nga abrehan ang estorya sa imong kinabuhi nganhi kanako. Sa dili madugay, ikaw akong nakita ug nakaestorya. Sa panghitaboa, ako nakabati ug kakulba, kaulaw, kalipay ug mga pagbating naghalo halo na.

       Apan wala nako damha kita nagkasuod sa tanang pagbati ug pagsabot ug nahimong tunhay ug tinuuray nga nagkahigalaay. Ako nagapasalamat og dako kanimo nga imo akong gidawat nga may pagsabot sa tanang estorya sa akong kinabuhi. Sa mga higayon nga kita nagkauban, walay higayon nga kini dili mabungahun sa kalipay man o kasakit. Daghang salamat sa imong pagpangga susama sa pagpangga sa mga taga boholano. Sa tinuuray, usa ka kagrasya ug dakong regalo nga gihatag sa Dios nganhi kanako.

       Akong mga pag ampo karon nga unta atong mapalahutay ang atong paghinigalaay saksi ang tambayanan, kaonanan, ug simbahan. Walay biyaay kay ang atong paghinigalaay susama na usab sa mag igsoonay. “Dili man mag igsoon sa dugo, apan mag igsoonay sa kasingkasing”. Salamat…………………………………………October 1, 2010@8:00 pm

The Ten (10) Things I Want to Say to Certain People

This one is actually a bit personal entry. Therefore you won’t probably fully grasp this unless you know me that much.
This one might be prone to assumptions.

The 10 things I want to say to certain people but I know I never will.

Random thoughts

1.Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for being there. Thank you for everything. Thank God.We shared really ‘extreme’ experiences and yeah, we’ve even become spies and partners in crime. I don’t remember how we’ve became friends cause in fact, we both dislike each other before. Really, real opposites, but I guess the old phrase is right, opposites do attract. Although sometimes GM-ing your life and your emotional thoughts can become a bit pain-in-the-ass, you’re the only person I trust with basically everything. Maybe someday if I get rich, I’m going to treat you somewhere nice, luxurious and expensive. Mark my word.

2. Even though you might not admit it or you might not tell it directly, I know somehow I made you expect. I dunno, maybe I’ve hurt your feelings one way or another but I know you’re happy now. You taught me the value of sensitivity and a bit on self-respect. I’m sorry, though, for the sins I committed against you. I will accept whatever you say. I just want you to know that you’re totally accepted and truly appreciated. I hope we see each other in the future.

3. You are intelligent, beautiful, not to mention curvy, and has this pleasing personality. Guys and yeah even girls go gaga over you. You have this certain je-ne-sais-quoi that I really like since the very beginning. It sucks that we never had time to be together during high school maybe because we left our early years behind. But we should’ve looked good together, you know. he he he 🙂

Furthermore, I would like to congratulate you. You’re now very famous. Various people from all walks of life will tap you and it might be easy for them to claim you as their own, as their friend, as someone dear. A thought you should know: old friends are still the best to keep. Congratulations, you’re now a celebrity. But to me, you’re still that girl from grade school years that I used to call affectionately as Nene.

4. I thank God because I met a person like you who makes me feel good about my self. Ho ho ho. You’re really great. You’ve been a very very good listener and adviser. Hanging around with you made me realize that I don’t suck that much compared to you. ha ha ha. Just kidding. But you know what? I’ll be there for you like you always do. If someone threatens you, I’ll be there with a bolo to defend you. Oooppss. I know you won’t like that. I will always bear in mind, “What you do to others, you also do it to God”

5. Someone had told me that you’re the type of person who needs a good listener. weh? you need a good listener but you wouldn’t even listen to people. How’s that? Your unforgivable jokes, your sick sarcasm, your bad temper, your crooked mentality that you think you know me better than I do – these things, they really count as annoying for me. I’m so sorry. Maybe I was never comfortable being around you because you have this ability to annoy me. Grow up. Who’s the epal now? Nonetheless, maybe we can hang out in the future. Just maybe.

6. We shared really awesome experiences and super quality time in good old high school, but somehow the bond is not that tight anymore when we entered college. Its difficult to get even a single ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ from you. Yes, the likes of you are few. It seems that you’re too busy right now with you’re studies or maybe you just have a hectic schedule but either way, I just want you to know that you still have me. Okay i know, now we come to the most o.a part – friendship, you, the gang.

7. I can’t face you. I’m so ashamed of my self. Maybe our dream of seeing each other in the future will be a big failure. One (1) year and five 5 months to be exact, for that span of time, for all those times you stood by me, for all the things you’ve done out of love, for all the lies that I’ve made you believe, and all that. Those long hours of talking over the phone and texting like there’s no tomorrow. You’ve been very very very good to me while I’ve been very very very bad to you. You never left. You’re with me. And for all those things, THANK YOU. Still I hope to see you in the near future and maybe ask you for a cup of coffee or hot choco or something.

8. Somehow I considered you as a ‘rival’ of sorts. Yeah, we’re friends but at the back of my mind, there is this tiny part that tells me that you really want to compete with me so that’s why considered you as such. With this, somehow I was tied to compete with you in all sorts of things; a kind of hunger that will only be filled once I win. But that was before. Today, You must be laughing at me right now at this very moment because you win. I concede. Motivation nowadays is hard to find.

9. Aha! Eureka! Along the way, I found a gem. Thank you God. They say, first impression lasts, I say, get to know that person first before you make all those sorts of judgment. When you first came, I said to my self “Oh-oh another one, another blood-sucking leech.” Okay okay i know I’m so bad, but when I get to know more of you I simply said “Heaven Sent!“. You’re awesome. You’re charitable. You’re fun to be with, no dull moments whatsoever just by looking at you, smiling needs no effort. You know what? You’re not what you think you are. For me, you’re a real man because it takes a lot of courage to admit who you are. You might not be the type who’s oozing with testosterone but definitely with values and refinement – I’d say you’re the man, bro. P.S. I was inspired by your life. I’d be good now 🙂

10. Perhaps, you are one of the best and the worst thing that has happened in my life. Things that had happened between us are not really what I consider ‘nice’ but the way I saw you never changed until now. Or I never knew you at all. You’re the only one I wish I could forget, the only one I love to not forgive. But thanks for the memories even if they we’re not so great. Thanks to you, I know now to whom should I give trust. Be of use, don’t be used. I learned to Love but it should never be too much. I learned to Give but I should left some for my self. I learned to move on and have a life, to forget is to accept. I love the way you lie, hindi talaga sya halata. Galing! A round of applause please. Okay to sum it up – I learned a lot and grown a lot since then. You’re on your own now but at the end of the day maybe I’d still be there for you only if the situation calls for it. Good riddance 09/26

[switching languages suddenly lose the coherence]

– I hate rainy days. Naeemo ako. he he. Iyon lang 🙂

Credits to: Mr. Woki Tokie

Mga Kowts ni Bob0ng

Dahil naaaliw ako sa mga kowts ni Bobong, ang post na ito ay hango sa kanyang mga obra.

Ito’y ilan lamang sa mga pinausong kowts ni Bobong mula sa kanyang mga librong isinulat na agaw-pansin at kadalasa’y naglalahad ng mga simpleng katotohanan na minsa’y naipaparating sa paraang pagwawangis, pagtutulad o abstraksyon. Mga akdang binase sa totoong mga kaganapan sa buhay ng isang tao. Mga akdang sumasalamin sa totoong mukha ng buhay.

“Ang tenga kapag pinagdikit korteng puso. Extension ng puso ang tenga. kaya kapag marunong kang makinig, marunong kang magmahal…”
“Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo.”
“Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyun-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka.”
“Nakabalik ako sa lugar, pero hindi ko naibalik ang panahon.”
“Huwag mong maliitin ang kakayahan mong tsumamba.”
“Obligasyon ko ang maglayag, karapatan kong pumunta kung saan ko gusto, responsibilidad ko ang buhay ko.”
“Nalaman kong habang lumalaki ka, maraming beses kang madadapa. Bumangon ka man ulit o hindi, magpapatuloy ang buhay, iikot ang mundo, at mauubos ang oras.”
“Wala namang masama sa pangingibang-bayan. Walang masama kung gusto mong lisanin ang barkong sa tingin mo’y papalubog na. Basta’t wag mo lang hahagisan ng anumang pabigat ang barko habang pinagsusumikapan itong isalba ng ibang tao.”
“Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pagtinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang, hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon.”
“Merong matigas.. merong malambot.. merong tuwid..merong kulot.. merong buo..merong durog.. at merong mga taong hindi basta basta lumulubog!”
“Walang taong manhid. Hindi niya lang talaga maintindihan kung ano ang gusto mong iparating dahil ayaw mo siyang diretsuhin.”
“Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sayo kahit pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin yung araw na sakit nalang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo.”
“Kapag pinag-aagawan ka malamang maganda o gwapo ka. Sumama ka sa mabuti, hindi sa mabait. Sa marunong hindi sa matalino. Sa mahal ka, hindi sa gusto ka.”
“Naniniwala ako sa isang prinsipyo sa psychology na nagsasabing para makuha mo ang gusto mo, kailangan nkatatak ito sa isip mo ng buong-buo. VISUALIZED..“
“Hindi naman lagi iiyak ang mundo para lang sa isang tao.”
“Ano namang mapapala mo kakaisip sa nakaraan at sa mga pwede pang mangyari? wala knaman sigurong super powers para maibalik ang nakalipas na. Dapat matuto kang pahalagahan ang mga nangyayari sayo sa kasalukuyan. Isipin mo yung ngayon. I-enjoy mo lang ang buhay. Wag kang emo. Hindi ka talaga magiging masaya kung di mo tutulungan ang sarili mo. Natural lang na makaramdam ng lungkot paminsan-minsan pero ang pagiging miserable? Wag kang hibang choice mo yan.”
”Tatlong uri ng mamamayan: Ang mahihirap, ang mas mahihirap at ang mga makapangyarihang oportunistang maylikha sa dalawa.”
“Mahirap magpatupad ng batas, pero madali maghanap ng violations kapag oras na ng sisihan.”
“Kung hindi mo alam kung sino ka, paano mo maipagmamalaki ang sarili mo?”
“Hindi ba malaking pagkakamali ng maraming eskwelahan na gawing 0 to 10% lang ang ‘character’ sa computation ng grades gayong Character ang humuhulma sa tao, pamilya, bansa, mundo at kasaysayan?”
“Nalaman kong maswerte ako dahil pinaglaro at pinag-aral ako ng mga magulang ko nung bata pa ako. Hindi pala lahat ng bata e dumadaan sa kamusmusan.”
”Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan.”
“Nalaman kong mali ang laging mamigay ng pad paper sa mga kaklaseng linta na hindi bumibili ng paper kahit may pambili.”
“Paano ko sila pasasalamatan kung ngayon ko lang naintindihan ang mga itinuro nila?
“Minsan kailangan mong maging malakas, para amining mahina ka.”
“Kung ako ay isang walang kwentang manunulat, english ang isusulat ko, para kahit anu anu ang sabihin ko hindi na nila mahahalata.. Kaya nga ako nagsulat sa tagalog para maintindihan ng mambabasa ang lahat ng sinasabi ko.”
“Kahit saang anggulo tingnan, mahirap yatang lunukin ang katwirang “eh ano kung mabaho tayo, may mas mabaho pa naman sa atin ah!”
“Ano ang talino kung walang disiplina?”
“Kulang ba tayo sa pagmamalaki? Ito ba ang dahilan kaya pinalitan ng Philipine Eagle ang maya bilang pambansang ibon? May mali nga ba sa mga simbolo ng ating kasarinlan at idelohiya?”
“Kung kabayo gagawa ng libro mahirap maging palaging politically correct para sa mga damo.”
“Pare, isa kang totoong tao at walang halong kasinungalingan. In English, FACT you, pare. Totoo ka. In English, FACT you!”

Credits to: Mr. Woki Tokie

Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist

The Alchemist: A Fable About Following Your Dream

Here are some lines and quotes from Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist

*When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

*All you have to do is contemplate a simple grain of sand, and you will see in it all the marvels of creation. Listen to your heart. It knows all things, because it came from the Soul of the World, and it will one day return there.

*When someone makes a decision, he is really diving into a strong current that will carry him to places he had never dreamed of when he first made the decision.

*In his pursuit of the dream, he was being constantly subjected to tests of his persistence and courage. So he could not be hasty, nor impatient. If he pushed forward impulsively, he would fail to see the signs and omens left by God along his path.

*Everything on earth is being continuously transformed, because the earth is alive and it has a soul. We are part of that soul, so we rarely recognize that it is working for us.

*There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.

*When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.

*When you want something with all your heart, that’s when you are closest to the Soul of the World. It’s always a positive force.

*When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there’s no need at all to understand what’s happening, because everything happens within you.

*I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.

*It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

*There is only one way to learn,” the alchemist answered. “It’s through action. Everything you need to know you have learned through your journey.

*Most people see the world as a threatening place, and, because they do, the world turns out, indeed, to be a threatening place.

*Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.

*Every search begins with beginner’s luck and ends with the victor’s being severely tested.

*Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You’ve got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense.

*Because people become fascinated with pictures and words, and wind up forgetting the Language of the World.

*If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

*It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.

*Everything tells me that I am about to make a wrong decision, but making mistakes is just part of life. What does the world want of me? Does it want me to take no risks, to go back to where I came from because I didn’t have the courage to say “yes” to life?

*My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,’ the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky. ‘Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.

*People learn early in their lives what is their reason for being. Maybe that’s why they give up on it so early, too.

*Love is an untamed force. When we try to control it, it destroys us. When we try to imprison it, it enslaves us. When we try to understand it, it leaves us feeling lost and confused.

*When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.

*If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

*I learned that the world has a soul, and that whoever understands that soul can also understand the language of things. I learned that many alchemists realized their destinies, and wound up discovering the Soul of the World, the Philosopher’s Stone, and the Elixir of Life. But above all, I learned that these things are all so simple they could be written on the surface of an emerald.

*What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one “dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.

*There was a language in the world that everyone understood, a language the boy had used throughout the time that he was trying to improve things at the shop. It was the language of enthusiasm, of things accomplished with love and purpose, and as part of a search for something believed in and desired.

Credits to: Mr. Woki Tokie

Oh chocolate – My dear chocolate. Where art thou?

I gained a few pounds over the sembreak. I binged on everything I could lay my hands on. That luscious cho-co-la-té was tempting, and I gave in to it. I was so disgusted to find that some of my clothes would not fit me anymore. I admit it, I’ve been hooked to chocolates and everything with chocolates. I find it hard to resist. I’ve become a certified addict. But now, I have been trying to bring my weight down with moderation, and I’ve gain positive results. But that layer, the bulge in my tummy, seems want to stay.

This is no different from giving in on the sweet temptations of sin. Once you get a taste of it, you’ll crave for it. Because you say it’s fun, it gives you the thrill and excitement you’re looking for, it’s definitely not boring for you, and it’s nice to sneak out once in a while. Yet before you know it, it has already enslaved you. And when you finally decide to get things right, you can’t put the shattered, broken pieces back together.

So how do we prevent these short-term gains from giving us long-term pains? Control it. If we think we can’t get it out of our system, we better not have it, at first point. Resist the temptation. The evil forces has no power over you, you make your own choices. The decision is yours, and yours alone.

Credits to: Mr. Woki Tokie

Through the Eyes of a Filipino

Listen to me!

You might think we are a poor nation,

but when I look around me I do not see just poverty.

Instead, I see farmers, back bent from sun up till sun down

nurturing the land.

I hear fisherfolks heaving, as they gamble with their lives

amidst angry winds and rough water just to nourish their families.

I feel the weary legs of children from far-flung barrios,

as they cross rivers and mountains and walk for miles,

just to get to school because they still dream.

I see determination in the eyes of street children playing tag

with cars flying past on a ruthless highway

in order to augment their parent’s meager earnings.

In the face of destitution, the Filipinos are steadfast. That is courage.
You rebuke us for the graft and corruption plaguing our government,

but when my eyes skim the front pages of broadsheets I do not see hopelessness.

Instead, I am inspired by stories about pushcart classes

and strangers swimming in deep murky flood waters to save nameless individuals.

I immerse myself in news about how my countrymen unceasingly believe in the spirit of unity.

I revel because millions of Filipinos still voted for change.

At times when we are at the receiving end of the world’s censure,

I choose to see the noble intentions of fallible men to help.

In tumultuous situations, when the urge to hold others culpable is difficult to resist

I hear a leader embracing the liability just like a leader should.

In the face of adversity, the Filipinos are united. That is courage.

You chastise millions of my countrymen for leaving our motherland to seek greener pastures.

Answer me this: have you ever listened to how they whimper at night because they long for home?

When Filipinas, forced to work away from their dear ones,

shed silent tears as they lull to sleep infants not their own

I begin to understand what unconditional love is.

You lure away our engineers, artists and teachers with a promise of a good life.

The loving hands of our nurses tend the health of your people.

Do no dare ask why we need to fill the void in your labor force!

The Overseas Filipino Worker is intelligent, ingenious, hard working and resilient.

I see that, and in my eyes they are heroes.

In the face of obligation, the Filipinos are self-sacrificing. That is courage.

You are at liberty to express your opinion about my country,

but you can never take away my pride, for I belong to a people united in faith and love.

I am a Filipino, and no matter where I go I will always be one.

I do not doubt that the time for change will one day come for the Philippines.

Our flag, cast in the sun’s glorious light, will be waving high.

My countrymen’s sacrifices will not be in vain. We will face the future with courage.

As one, we will reach out to the world and the world will embrace us.

Believe me, because I will take the lead.

-An Inspirational View
Credits to: Mr. Woki Tokie

Send my love to heaven

What can I say about a girl I loved since I was ten… that I love the way she laughs at me when I commit mistakes, the way she fusses over silly things and even the way she cries over some sad silly late night show…

She was my best friend and I have known her since we were small. She knew all my secrets, which reveals my feelings for her, that I love her not only because she’s pretty and smart but also the way she laughs at everything and the way she sees life and love. I could still remember the first time we met; I was five years old then. It was one windy afternoon having no one to play with except for my best friend, Troy. He and his family just moved out to a neighboring state at transfer because his father got promoted. And so I climbed up our tree house, I saw a moving truck coming down the street. I watched it approaching and noticed a family station wagon following it. It stopped in front of the house and out came a family. I was about to glance away when came out the loveliest girl I’ve ever seen.

She was four years old that time but then even at an early age she was a beauty. She had long curly hair, which reached almost to her waist. She had fair complexion and eyes which could make a man lose his heart into them. I continued to watch her when suddenly she looked up and saw me watching them in the tree house window. I was about to duck when she smiled and waved her hand. I waved back and then watched in amazement as I saw her running towards the tree house. So I went to the edge of the ladder and said, “Would you like to come up?” she answered, “May I?” So I help her climb up and when she reached the top she then turned to me and said, “By the way, my name’s Sam, what’s yours?” I answered, “My name is Christopher but then you can call me Chris.” She smiled and said, “Well I like your name. Hey your tree house’s neat!” then I replied, “Thanks! Troy and I made this. This used to be our hide out. We used to goof around, play ball and go biking together. He was my best friend and I kind of miss him you know.” She smiled and said “I’m here now, we could do things you do with Troy and I could be your new best friend too. I never had a boy for a friend before so it could be exciting to have one. I could learn how to play ball and I have my bicycle so we could go biking together. Now how does that sound to you?” I smiled and said, “Well that sounds good enough.” Then she held her hand and said, “It’s a deal then!”

So that’s how it started. So we became best friends and it was kind of strange at first for she was a girl and there are things which I was little bit hesitant to indulge her like catching frogs, swimming in the lake and climbing trees, but then she tried and did everything just to please me. There was even a time when she fell off the bike trying to catch up with me in a race we had and I was the one who bandaged her scraped knee. I could still remember the time when she hit the window of our neighbor when we were playing baseball and it was I who talked to Mr. Chambers and promised to pay for the damage, which meant having to loose a week’s allowance. I remembered the time when I fell off the tree when I tried to rescue a little kitten because Sam was near to tears when she saw the helpless kitten trapped in a branch. I even fought with the tough guy when they teased Sam and made her cry and I ended up having a black eye and a bruised cheek. I remember Sam crying as she placed an ice bag over the damaged eye and later gave it a get-well kiss. I did everything to please her and gave everything her little heart desires.

The lake was our favorite hang out. We had our Saturday swim routine. We would pack food and later eat them under the big oak tree. There was a special branch in which the two of us could sit together and tell each other’s dreams. She dreams of being a Ballerina and she knows my dream of becoming a doctor. She never laughs at my dreams and pursuits even if they were quite impossible. It made me like her even more.

As years went by, I noticed that my feelings towards her were slowly changing. Somehow, I thought it was just a simple crush case. But when I started thinking about her at night, dreaming of her and having the feeling of wanting to be with her all the time, I thought it was something different, something that made me feel strange, but then it was exhilarating feeling. It made me feel so alive. Whenever our hands touch, I could feel the tingling sensation in my spine. Once when we were at the lake having our Saturday swim routine and as I carried her towards the water edge, I had the feeling of not wanting to let go. I just wanted that moment to continue hoping it would never end. I then realized I was slowly falling in love with my best friend.

Many times I tried to deny the feeling for I was scared to imagine what would happen if ever I’d try to tell her how I feel about her. I was scared because she might think that I’m taking advantage of her and our friendship. I was afraid of losing her so I just kept my feeling hidden.

We reached the age of fifteen and I noticed that Sam grew lovelier each day. How my heart aches wherever I see boys glance her way. I want to punch their noses as I watch them talking to her giving compliments, flowers and chocolates. There were times when I watch her at a distance with mixed feelings of anger and hurt! Because it hurts so much to know that there were so many things I wanted to tell her but then I could not do so. There were so many presents which I long to give her but then I could not for she might see me only as a friend. I was also scared of letting her know how I feel about her as much as losing her.

Then one day, I just learned from a friend that she already had a boyfriend. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was just a rumor. Her boyfriend was Mark, a popular senior, who was the heartthrob of the campus. She, being the cheerleader was close to the basketball team to which Mark was the captain. When I saw them walking together at the parking lot that afternoon, I watched her with my heart slowly breaking into pieces. I saw her wave at me but I just pretended not to see her for I was scared that she might see in my eyes the pain I’m feeling inside because of seeing her with another guy. Those days that followed where the saddest days of my life. How my heart aches when I see her walk by me with him at her side. Every time we meet in hallways and I see him around her, there’s a feeling inside me that makes me want to grab her away from him. How it hurts to see the girl I long possess was now owned by somebody else. That special smile I long for her to cast on me was now casted on him. As she passes by me she doesn’t know that I whisper the words “God how I love you.”

Then one faithful day they broke up. She came too me that evening crying on my shoulder. They had a big fight and it ended up with their break up. Mixed feelings were scaring me inside. I was happy because she was free and maybe I would have the chance of telling her my true feelings for her but then I was feeling so bad because she is crying her heart out just for him. At that time, I was not quite sure of what I wanted to do.

So we found ourselves doing what we did in old days with our Saturday swim routine, spending time in our tree house. We still enjoyed doing childish pranks for we still are both young at heart. So many chances I had for me to confess my feelings for her but still I couldn’t bring myself to her for I was scared of losing her once more. I once lost her, now I could not bear of losing her again by telling her, “I love her”. So I just kept my feelings even if it was bursting to be expressed from my aching heart.

It was a week from our JS Prom, we were seated at the branch of an oak tree drying ourselves after our afternoon swim when she said, “I was wondering Chris if you would like to be my partner?” It just got out of my wits for it was like a dream I never thought would happen. It took me awhile to answer her, “I thought there are so many boys who would die for you to be their partner?” So she turned away and quietly said, “Well I just thought I would like to spend that night with my best friend.” Then she continued in a whisper I could barely hear, “Don’t you want to die just like them to be my partner Chris?” I was too stunned to speak for it came close for me to blurt my feelings for her. We… we’re silent for a while until I finally whispered, “I would be happy to be your partner Sam. “The she smiled and suddenly kissed my cheek. I could hardly contain the joy I felt that time. I saw her turned red and bowed her head. Suddenly she stood up and run towards the water saying, “Last one to reach the water treats to sundae fudge!”I ran slowed up so that I would lose which meant having to have her with me for another three hours or more.

Our Prom night came. I bought a new tuxedo and poured almost the entire bottle of perfume. I went to fetch Sam. Sam’s mother greeted me and I went to sit in the living room waiting for her to come down. I was talking to her father when I heard her say, “How do I look?” I look up and saw her lovelier than ever in a strapless white dress with her hair flowing around her face. I stood up and opened my mouth but found out I could not find my voice. Then I got her hand shakily fastened the corsage around her wrist and whispered, “To the loveliest girl in the whole world.” She then asked, “Is that true?” I nodded and she smiled and I smiled back then I turned to open the door for her. When we arrived at the gymnasium we hardly recognized our classmates. Gone were the jeans and T-shirts. They were replaced with tuxedos and gowns. Then I held out her hand bowed and said, “Would you give me the honor of your first dance?” She laughed and curtseyed. Then I led her to the dance floor. It was like a dream coming true, a moment of enchantment. I was there dancing with the only girl I ever loved. She was smiling up to me, as we were slowly moving in a smooth gliding motion. I found myself lost as I stared down to her sparkling eyes. The curls of her long hair were like waves enhancing her beautiful face. There were so many things I wanted to tell her that moment. I wanted to tell that she was the most beautiful girl that night. I wanted to tell her that she would always be the beacon of light in my darkness, but what I wanted to tell her the most was that I love her. I drew up all my courage and bent to whisper it in her ear but suddenly the music stopped and the magic was gone. I came close to telling her, but still haven’t done it.

We walked towards the table and found ourselves surrounded by friends. I asked her if she wanted a drink, she nodded and so I went to get one. It took me a long time to get one and when I returned to our table, she was gone. I asked her friend, Katie, where she was but she told me that she doesn’t know. So I went to search for her. As I was searching for her, I reached the garden. There I saw two silhouette figures outlined by the moon’s silvery light. They were so close to each other that I could never describe the feeling I had when I recognized the white dress that Sam was wearing that night. I just turned and left the gymnasium.

Since that night, I avoided her. Many times she tried talking to me but I never gave her the chance to do so. I was afraid to hear her say that she loves Mark and not me. I would rather have left in ignorance of her true feelings for me than to hear from those dreaded words and feel my hope crush and my heart break. I didn’t return her calls. I would not see her if she comes into our house. In the hallways, as she approaches I would go to another direction. It also hurts to do those things but then I thought that was the best way to forget her. Those months were tormenting but still I kept my pride.

The day of our graduation came. I was planning to take up medicine at a neighboring state and was to move out the next day. As the program ended, she approached me and handed me a rose. As she stared at me, there was something in her eyes I couldn’t describe. There was sadness in them and when she smiled it wasn’t the same smile she had. I wanted to hug her at that moment, tell her that I love her but then she turned and walked away from me.

So I moved out the next day as I planned. Luckily, I was accepted at the university. I concentrated with my studies but still I think of her at night. I was always wondering if she thinks of me too. I tried hard not to think of her but still I could not stop myself from loving her. Each achievement I have was done for her. I thought that if I will be successful one day, I would be able to tell her that I love her and by that time, I’m worthy of having her.

It was a year after our graduation when I decided to return home and see her again. I thought a year is too much for me not to see her and during the past year I felt like a person lost in the desert and only the sight of her could quench the thirst I have inside. As I got off the plane, I went home directly, desperate to get to her house desperate to see her, to hug her. Then I would tell her that I missed her and that I have loved her for a long time. This time I am determined to let her know my true feelings for her and I could not contain anymore the love I have for her. I reached their house; I saw her elder sister and I approached her. I smiled at her but I noticed she didn’t smile back. I was confused for she used to be a cheerful lady just like my dear Sam. I then asked, “Hi Jen! I guess you’re surprised why I’m here. Well I just want to visit you and I was also hoping to see Sam. I kind of miss her you know. Mmm… by the way have you seen her?” All I saw was sadness in her eyes as she replied quietly “Come follow me.”

I was confused with the way she’s acting but still I followed her. As we were walking, I was trying to indulge her in a conversation but she just answered my question briefly. Then I realized that she was leading me to the direction of the lake. It was still the same as I left it, with the same oak tree, Sam and I used to climb up. I smiled upon remembering the kiss Sam gave me when I agreed to be her partner. It’s been one of the happiest days in my life and I realized that I missed Sam more than I thought. Then Jen stopped walking and pointed to the tree. She then whispered, “There’s Sam.”

I looked at where she was pointing and saw a newly dug tomb with the name of the girl I ever loved. I could not believe at what I saw and desperately tried convincing myself that this is all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up. I stared at Jenny in disbelief with her eyes searching for explanations and she slowly started saying, “It has been a week since she died. She died of Leukemia, but even though she was sick, she never stopped thinking about you. It was even your name she uttered before she died. She asked us to bury her here for she always regards this place as a place of LOVE. She said that this is where she had spent the happiest days and that was when she was with you. By the way, she also asked me to give you this.” She handed me a parcel and with that she left.

I slowly opened the parcel and saw that it contained the dried orchid from the corsage I gave her for our prom. Then at the bottom I saw a letter. It was dated last month. I opened it with shaking hands and started reading……..

******************************

I know… by this time you read this letter I’m gone. I just want to tell you that I feel very lucky and thankful to God that I had a friend like you. I would also like you to know that I had left something inside, something I kept from you all these years. I love you Chris, not in a friendly way but as one who would feel like spending the rest of my life with. I have always loved you even from the start. I guess it just bloomed each day that’s why the happiest days of my life was… when you were by my side. You just don’t know how I dreamed of you at night and wake up in the morning and dream no more for you were with me. When you were away, I can’t stop crying because I was afraid to think that you are with another girl. I just can’t bear to see you with another girl. I just want you all to myself. I may sound selfish but that’s how I feel.

Each time, you held me close to you, was like a dream coming true, for to be close to you and feel your heart beating next to mine was like heaven. So many things I did so that you will learn to love me but I NEVER saw a hint. I did everything to please you because I love you so much that I even tried to fool myself that you’re in love with me too. So many nights I’ve cried when I think of myself unloved by you. Well you might think that what I’m saying are lies but, I tell you, my heart speaks the truth for I cannot bear telling a lie to the one I love. I know you might be thinking of Mark; but I just did that to make you jealous, to make you see me as a young woman, capable of loving and not as the little girl you used to play with. Sometimes I imagined that you were jealous and fooled myself that it was a sign that you feel something for me too. When Mark and I broke up and I came crying, I just did that to know… how you would react and with that I’ll know that you love me too. But I failed for you didn’t give me any clue. When our prom night came, you just don’t know how happy I was when you handed me the corsage and saying that I was the loveliest girl in the whole world. While we were dancing, I wanted so desperately to hear you say that you love me too but you NEVER did. When Mark came and pleaded me to give him a second chance, I was scared that you might see us talking. I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression so I told him we would talk in the garden. There I explained to him that it’s you whom I really love.

What happened next was that I found you missing and later learned that you were searching for me, I just concluded that you saw us together. The next day, I tried to explain but then you never gave me a chance to do so. You continuously avoided me and never knew how much pain I’ve experienced that time. I felt the world crushing on me. In our Graduation day, when I approached you, I wanted to tell you… how much I loved you but I decided that I just couldn’t do it. I could not bear to hear that all you feel for me is just brotherly hand of love. For I want you to love me as a woman and not as a girl or playmate. So I just turned away and left.

Now that saying I LOVE YOU might be too late, but still I want you to know that I will always love you and my heart has always been and will be yours alone.

P.S.: Think of me sometimes… and always remember that loving you was the best thing that ever happened in my life.

************************************

I felt my tears falling as I folded the letter. I wanted to shout out to let her know that I love her, if not as much, but more than she did for me. I love her more than anything in this world. I knelt touching the soil of her grave and rain started to fall. I continued crying softly and whispered, “Oh God, send my love to heaven.”

DISCLAIMER: I am not the original author of this story. I just posted this on my blog to keep this as a treasured collection. SO please refrain from commenting about the integrity and the honesty virtues.

Who really am I?

Rarely do I falter whenever I am asked to answer a question for I think I am one of those people who got everything all figured out for herself. I know my height, I know my weight, and I know my blood type. But somehow, there are some questions with which, up to this day, never fail to give me the dull, spaced-out ‘Huh?’ expression in my face. Surprisingly though, that question is one of the very essential ones that I should have known by now – who am I really?

Let’s go down with the biographical basics shall we? Okay, I know, perhaps the most boring fundamentals – My name is Lourlin Jean, born June 4 year 1992. Born from a typical, middle class couple, my early childhood days were very average. I’ve got 3 sisters and a brother, and I’m the eldest in the family, giving that stereotypical family-favorite image (but believe me, I feel deprived of this so called privilege). I’m currently a student of Systems Technology Institute- General Santos City taking up a course which I later on realized I’ll like. I’m the generic teenager who thinks about photography, fun, and music 90% of the time and devoting the rest about 10% in activities that will sustain life.

Sounds boring, right?

Lourlin Jean at blogspot

I’ve been living this life for 18 years and still, I haven’t found my life the least bit exciting. My existence seem to be not much of a progress for the world and it seems that if ever I’m gonna suddenly fall off a cliff or hit by a train or stabbed to death, people will most probably get on with their lives and they will never ever notice my disappearance — I think. Such is the triviality of my existence that I find it hard to know my absolute purpose of setting foot in this land. Call me an ingrate or unappreciative for the life I live but, hey, who wouldn’t like a little kick of excitement every now and then? Maybe an OFW parent, or having a zombie-eating plant or an alien life form at the garden, perhaps. Anything that will finally put the missing piece of joie-de-vivre in the most boring puzzle in the world called ‘My Life’ – as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody or involves getting a family member killed in the process, why not.

First impressions last, they say. For the last 18 years, I’ve collected from various types of people mixed impressions about me – snob, approachable, cheerful, scatter-brained, moody, mysterious, “suplada”, and even homosexual. But none of these are actually true for in fact, I consider my self a social chameleon – I change according to the situation and the people around me and hence, I’ve got no particular prevailing trait within me except being highly observant to everything and everyone within my vicinity. I can be a hyperactive kid with autism or a shylent (shy and silent) girl in the class or even a blood-sucking parasite under the furs of a scabrous dog – all depending to the people I am with and the overall situation that I am in.

But then, I cannot always be a changeling. Being random has its own drawbacks. You always seek a missing something within yourself – a concrete fixed identity; a personality that will stay and will finally give you that certainty that you are being yourself and not just some person who depends on others to become herself. It gets pretty frustrating sometimes because one must love thyself first before you can even start loving anybody else. Maybe that’s why I never ever had the chance to have a long lasting serious mutual relationship with a guy. Not so boring now, is it?

The simplest words sometimes convey the most complex meanings. I can’t even believe that a four-word question would generate these very long thread of ideas. Unfortunately, I still find it hard to answer this question because I am one of the many people who are still on the quest on finding their inner self – and that will never happen overnight. Given time and perhaps effort, maybe soon I will. But for now, I’ll settle being just a puny chameleon – observant, sensitive, fickle, unappreciative – in this cruel, harsh jungle called reality in the violent world.

I’m more than just a typed-out paragraph. Be with me so you’ll know.

In Defense to Mañana Habbit

Do not wait for tomorrow what you can do for today, says a popular phrase. All people sees mañana habit as a baaad habit as mostly observed in Filipinos, but I wonder, is it the whole truth? or is there a bright side of it? My reason for sharing this is that I, too, developed this attitude. Here is what I think as ‘the bright side’ about the so called mañana ‘mamaya na’ habit.

Do you know about mañana habit? Actually, mañana is found in the dictionary – a Spanish dictionary that is or even in wikipedia and some other sorts of free online references in the internet (whoa! The power of technology is so staggering). It means tomorrow. So literally speaking, mañana habit is tomorrow habit. Innocent and harmless-sounding, aye? And yet it has gained notoriety because of the negative connotation we put to it. You know people say that when you are fond of putting off for tomorrow what can be done today, you certainly have this disease known as mañana habit. And that, they say, is bad, really bad habit.

Well, surely, I don’t take issues with a teacher who reminds students not to wait until the deadline before working on their term papers or wait for the thirteenth hour before preparing for an exam. In fact it’s a very good thing to teach the students the value of time and time management. On another context, I believe it’s a good counsel to make peace with our enemies before they beat us to the draw in making the reconciliation move first. Even the Bible advises us not to let the sun set on our anger. In other words, let overheated emotions cool off now – not tomorrow.

I was confronted many times because of this habit I eventually developed, like I pass some of my requirements or papers days after the deadline. So with this, I asked some of my family members and friends about this one, whether mañana habit is good or purely just bad, and guess what? Unanimously – they all answered with a big BAD. Most people into whom I’ve bumped in my life in this deadline-crazy world have either told me pointblank or subtly suggested that mañana habit is a baaad habit. No more, no less.

So now I wonder if it’s the whole truth.

From my vantage point, I see a brighter side of mañana habit. I don’t know about you. But perhaps your calendar is marked with appointments and tasks-a-plenty. And you prepare long to-do lists or reminders in your mobile phones, you want to make every waking moment count and later ask yourself if you’ve had a fruitful day, and yes you are dying to make a difference in the world. I know, you know, you want to do lots of things in the short life that you’ve been given – and do them as quick as you can. If possible, all in a day, but usually I thinks it’s far from impossible.

Psychologists call this phenomenon: approach-approach conflict.

Let’s say you want to be the president of the republic of the Philippines and chief justice of the Supreme Court? Well, I guess, you can be both but not at the same time. You have to sacrifice one for the sake of the other or grab the one now and pursue the other later. Otherwise, you’ll lose both. Life is a trade off, you see.

Besides, things sometimes crop up oh so suddenly, disturbing whatever order and tipping whatever balance you’ve put in your life. And they confront and challenge you to do some rearrangement.

So? You put some things here, you put others there. You put this or that thing off for tomorrow?

So? You practice mañana habit!

So? You put off one task to give way to another more important matter more than anything else. More likely resembles Economics’ principle of opportunity cost. Doesn’t that reveal your healthy sense of priorities?

I hear some streetsmart dude say, “You will never finish your work; your work will finish you.” I guess his right. And if that is the case, you need to do first things first. That often necessitates leaving some less important things undone until tomorrow.

Mañana habit carries with it the idea of sacrifice – that is, the exchange of something secondary for something primary. Recall, need versus want. It’s a wonderful idea. It’s a matter of exchange, not loss. Most of all, I think it’s not really a case of laziness, but of setting priorities wisely straight. Some people call this as ‘taking one step backward and two steps forward’. Others call it conceding a battle to win a war.

What do you think, is it really bad or there’s something good concealed in it?

Take your pick.

Credits to: Mr. Woki Tokie

If You’ve Fallen, Stand Up Again and Again!

Bo’s entry that really inspire me to do my best, to rise up every time I fall.

Paulo Coelho once said,
“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”
If you’ve fallen seven, stand up eight.

Life gives you tests.
Sometimes, you fail those tests.
You make the wrong choices.
You fall.
You stumble.
You sin.
But failing in one test doesn’t mean you’ll fail in life.
I should know. I flunked my exam. I’ve failed in many of my tests. (Many, many, many tests) But I’ve never given up.
I’ve got a word for you:

God is the God of Second Chances
Some people condemn themselves for making wrong decisions in life.
They are their own cruel judges.

Don’t lose hope.

We all make mistakes. All of us do!
Don’t look at your mistakes.
Stop condemning yourself.

Move on. Stand up again.

God will make your life beautiful.
He’ll let you fulfill your dreams.
He knows what you need.
He’ll be there to supply your needs to create a joyous, fruitful new life.

Live deliberately.
Pass the test.
Choose the best.
Your great future awaits.

May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez

Credits to: Mr. Woki Tokie