Honestly, I don’t know what to say or where to begin. I feel like a ball of tennis that’s been smashed on a table and is being pulled apart in thousands of different directions. Some parts of me are being molded in awesome and good ways that I love, while others are pulling me in directions I don’t want to go or ways I don’t’ feel prepared for. Some just drop me off in a complete desert where I feel completely lost and ask God what to do. But in the midst of chaos, beauty is there and is arriving more and more tangibly.
To summarize, I feel that God has really been working in me in terms of revealing to me the suffering and pain of this world. So much is wrong and so messed up- definitely far from the way God intended things to be. I grew up in a sheltered, nice home and never really experienced these things til now, and the stories/circumstances are ripping my heart apart. I really think God is “breaking my heart for what breaks His” and it sucks, but at the same time is strangely awesome.
Recently, there’s been some big changes in the Youth Ministry that I’m a part of. It’s hard to deal with it and in some ways I’m not ready for it. It does kinda suck because there’s just been so much going on in the people around me and in my own life and now this whole ordeal has been added onto it. But I’ve never really felt the Lord’s presence so strong in me as I have felt this week. And because of that, there’s a strange sense of peace and trust through these uncertain times, and THAT is what I want to share about.
Paraphrasing and shaping James 1:2-4 into the context of my circumstance, this is what I feel God is telling me, “Consider it pure joy, my son, when crazy things happen to you; things you don’t want, expect, or see the good out of. Things that blow your mind, things that seem counter-productive to my ultimate plan of glory and salvation, things that just seem backwards. But know this: these trials, these testings, they are all for your benefit and for my ultimate glory. I am working in the midst of this chaos and in this storm, and I will come out glorified and praised. If you remain in Me, you will emerge from this with a stronger faith and a life that is so intimately intertwined with Me that you have nowhere else to go yet nowhere else would be as satisfying nor would it give you any true answers. I am putting you through my fiery forge so that through these difficult times, you will be molded and strengthened into the servant I desire- a man that lives and breathes my Word, a man hungry and thirsty for Me, a man that goes about with My aroma that people cannot help but notice something is different. These times, though far from easy or comfortable, are necessary so that you can become the complete man I desire You to be- My mature, faith-grounded daughter.” That’s what I feel like God’s saying to me.
And then there’s this to. Building off of John 15:4, which says, “I am the vine and you are the branches. If any man remains in me and me in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” I feel like God has just been adding to that, teaching me to remain in Him through prayer and thinking about Him constantly. He’s been helping me focus on Him more and to turn my mind thoughts from talking to myself to constantly engaging Him in conversation. He’s teaching me to rely on His strength and for my first response to be “I’ll pray about it.” He’s teaching me to lean on Him and to know that He’s got it all planned out. He’s reinforced in me that I am nothing apart from Him and I need Him to even get through this life.
And lastly,1 Corinthians 15:58. “Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” This is what God has been telling me :
Lourlin, know that I am working. I’m God and you’re a man. You can’t understand my ways nor will you ever come close to it. But look back at my promises, both in your life and in My Word. I am faithful to what I say, and I will work something out of whatever You do for me. Though you may not see the fruits of your efforts, though you may not comprehend how I can possible be doing something with a situation where you think nothing good can happen, though you don’t think other people deserve the chance, know that I am God and that your work is not for waste. Simply have faith and trust me; I’ve got it covered. Don’t feel worried, troubled, dismayed, or frustrated over what’s going on. That’s my job. You just remain in me and keep your eyes focused on me. Then you will see in My timing the things you need to see and you’ll turn around and praise me.
I love you, I treasure you, I watch over your coming and going each day. I will be here forever and as long as you let me in, I will walk with you forever.
Love, God
So there’s little to say after that. But if you want a short recap: To God be the glory. All glory, honor, and praise. This life isn’t about me or my desires, because I’m worth nothing more than the dust I tread upon. My life is about His glory and His love being spread throughout the world. So God, here I am, all of me. Whatever trials, whatever circumstances, whatever hardships are ahead of me, I’m ready for them. Or rather, I am not ready, but You are in me and You will make me ready. Like our father said, You don’t call the equipped; you equip the called. So God, equip me with whatever tools I need. I’m ready for you to work in me.
LIVE-LOVE-LAUGH-LEARN 