Rarely do I falter whenever I am asked to answer a question for I think I am one of those people who got everything all figured out for herself. I know my height, I know my weight, and I know my blood type. But somehow, there are some questions with which, up to this day, never fail to give me the dull, spaced-out ‘Huh?’ expression in my face. Surprisingly though, that question is one of the very essential ones that I should have known by now – who am I really?
Sounds boring, right?
Let’s go down with the biographical basics shall we? Okay, I know, perhaps the most boring fundamentals – My name is Lourlin Jean, born June 4 year 1992. Born from a typical, middle class couple, my early childhood days were very average. I’ve got 3 sisters and a brother, and I’m the eldest in the family, giving that stereotypical family-favorite image (but believe me, I feel deprived of this so called privilege). I’m currently a student of Systems Technology Institute- General Santos City taking up a course which I later on realized I’ll like. I’m the generic teenager who thinks about photography, fun, and music 90% of the time and devoting the rest about 10% in activities that will sustain life.
Sounds boring, right?
I’ve been living this life for 18 years and still, I haven’t found my life the least bit exciting. My existence seem to be not much of a progress for the world and it seems that if ever I’m gonna suddenly fall off a cliff or hit by a train or stabbed to death, people will most probably get on with their lives and they will never ever notice my disappearance — I think. Such is the triviality of my existence that I find it hard to know my absolute purpose of setting foot in this land. Call me an ingrate or unappreciative for the life I live but, hey, who wouldn’t like a little kick of excitement every now and then? Maybe an OFW parent, or having a zombie-eating plant or an alien life form at the garden, perhaps. Anything that will finally put the missing piece of joie-de-vivre in the most boring puzzle in the world called ‘My Life’ – as long as it doesn’t hurt anybody or involves getting a family member killed in the process, why not.
First impressions last, they say. For the last 18 years, I’ve collected from various types of people mixed impressions about me – snob, approachable, cheerful, scatter-brained, moody, mysterious, “suplada”, and even homosexual. But none of these are actually true for in fact, I consider my self a social chameleon – I change according to the situation and the people around me and hence, I’ve got no particular prevailing trait within me except being highly observant to everything and everyone within my vicinity. I can be a hyperactive kid with autism or a shylent (shy and silent) girl in the class or even a blood-sucking parasite under the furs of a scabrous dog – all depending to the people I am with and the overall situation that I am in.
But then, I cannot always be a changeling. Being random has its own drawbacks. You always seek a missing something within yourself – a concrete fixed identity; a personality that will stay and will finally give you that certainty that you are being yourself and not just some person who depends on others to become herself. It gets pretty frustrating sometimes because one must love thyself first before you can even start loving anybody else. Maybe that’s why I never ever had the chance to have a long lasting serious mutual relationship with a guy. Not so boring now, is it?
The simplest words sometimes convey the most complex meanings. I can’t even believe that a three-word question would generate these very long thread of ideas. Unfortunately, I still find it hard to answer this question because I am one of the many people who are still on the quest on finding their inner self – and that will never happen overnight. Given time and perhaps effort, maybe soon I will. But for now, I’ll settle being just a puny chameleon – observant, sensitive, fickle, unappreciative – in this cruel, harsh jungle called reality in the violent world.
First impressions last, they say. For the last 18 years, I’ve collected from various types of people mixed impressions about me – snob, approachable, cheerful, scatter-brained, moody, mysterious, “suplada”, and even homosexual. But none of these are actually true for in fact, I consider my self a social chameleon – I change according to the situation and the people around me and hence, I’ve got no particular prevailing trait within me except being highly observant to everything and everyone within my vicinity. I can be a hyperactive kid with autism or a shylent (shy and silent) girl in the class or even a blood-sucking parasite under the furs of a scabrous dog – all depending to the people I am with and the overall situation that I am in.
But then, I cannot always be a changeling. Being random has its own drawbacks. You always seek a missing something within yourself – a concrete fixed identity; a personality that will stay and will finally give you that certainty that you are being yourself and not just some person who depends on others to become herself. It gets pretty frustrating sometimes because one must love thyself first before you can even start loving anybody else. Maybe that’s why I never ever had the chance to have a long lasting serious mutual relationship with a guy. Not so boring now, is it?
The simplest words sometimes convey the most complex meanings. I can’t even believe that a three-word question would generate these very long thread of ideas. Unfortunately, I still find it hard to answer this question because I am one of the many people who are still on the quest on finding their inner self – and that will never happen overnight. Given time and perhaps effort, maybe soon I will. But for now, I’ll settle being just a puny chameleon – observant, sensitive, fickle, unappreciative – in this cruel, harsh jungle called reality in the violent world.
I’m more than just a typed-out paragraph. Be with me so you’ll know.
LIVE-LOVE-LAUGH-LEARN 